SD Weekend Trip.

  • Traffic is not the business. 4 hours and 15 mins to get to the SD from Santa Monica. -______- 
  • I love my Big. That is all. Don’t know where I would be without her. We goof around, but there are times we talk about real shit. 
  • I don’t think I’ve ever experienced something like that at the club where I was approached by one guy who was touching my arm asking me to dance with him, and then comes a long another guy grabbing my other arm so that I can talk to him or whatever. I felt a bit flattered (who wouldn’t if a guy approaches you), but that flattered feeling quickly turned into a negative feeling. I felt like I was fucking being attacked like an animal…ya know, like I was being preyed upon. -___- Both guys were short as fuck anyways. No chance. And two, I have a boyfriend now. And three, if me and my Big both said I have a boyfriend, it’s a cue for you to back he fuck off. I don’t get why you ask questions and linger around. Thirsty ass niggas.
  • The Mexican food in SD though. BOMB DOT COM. 
  • This trip really made me want to go on more road trips with my friends. 
  • I love my group of girls. They keep me sane and grounded. Blessed to have them in my life.
  • Thank you security guard for noticing that I don’t look like the weight that’s on my ID. He was like, “You don’t look 120, you look like 110.” HAHA. Close enough, I weigh like 103-105.
  • Speaking of weight, is my weight loss that noticeable and dramatic? LOL. The secret to losing all this weight? Eating less. But don’t lose weight the way I did. It’s really bad. You have to exercise. I did zero exercise whatsoever. Yeah I may look fit/skinny, etc. BUT, I have no strength, stamina whatsoever. Lose weight the proper way. I did it the worst way possible. 

I like that my family is giving me advice/trying to help me out with my future and whatnot, but JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I know they’re looking out for my best interest, but let me do me. If I turn out to be a big fat fucking failure in life, then so be it. I’m not the one to usually ask for help. I like to figure out things out on my own. I’m sure something will come about at the right time. But right now, I’m sick and tired of having my family members on my fucking jock. Maybe, I’m just being irrational and being a moody ass bitch or something. BUT LET ME DO ME. 

If I had a decent amount of money saved up right now, I would so move out. But 1) I don’t and 2) I’m sure it will make my dad even more depressed as fuck given the whole divorce situation right now. 

IDK. I think I’m just being bitch. 

I just want to escape everything. Thank god for the San Diego trip this weekend. 

SIGH. ALL THE FEELS.

Splitting of assets really complicates everything and coming to an agreement in which both parties are satisfied/content is also difficult. It’s like “I’ll only agree to do this, if you give me this, etc.” -____- Sigh.

Learned a little bit more about my dad and his upbringing and why he is the  way he is today. Your past/upbringing really does influence who you become later on in life.

My dad is the 7th kid out of 8 kids. Times were very tough back then in Korea. I can only imagine what my dad and his family went through while growing up. They had very little to no money—it was always a struggle. They found a way to survive with what little money and stuff they had. One day during elementary school, my dad was asked by his teacher why he didn’t have this one school supply (it was relatively cheap…but to someone who has no money, that one “cheap thing” can be expensive). My dad responded by saying he has no money. His teacher then said, Your parents don’t have money?” And the answer was no, of course. And I guess my dad felt embarrassed and somewhat humiliated that he couldn’t afford one little measly thing. I mean who wouldn’t be. 

He told me yesterday that from that point on while he was growing up, he always saved money, rarely spent it on anything. He even wanted to learn Tae Kwon Do (Korean martial arts), but he had no money for lessons and he would never ask his dad for money. 

This being dirt poor upbringing really shaped the man that he is today. He told me, “I never want my kids and family to go through what I had to go through, so that is why I work hard and don’t spend my money, and that’s why I’m cheap, frugal.” He said, “But don’t be like me [in the cheap, frugal aspect], spend some money and live a little.” 

His poor and broke upbringing also factored into his physical growth. Up until my dad’s younger brother was born, my dad was the youngest. And after his younger brother was born, he was obviously wasn’t the youngest. And in many families, the youngest is always treated a little better and given that little extra. Well in this case, my dad barely got any food and if he did, he always shared or gave it away. So obviously if you’re not eating well and getting the right nutrients, you are not going to grow. Hence my dad is the shortest out of all his brothers. 

It’s hearing shit like that makes everything a million times worse right now. He worked his tail off for his family so that he can make us live comfortably, etc and then to have everything you worked and dreamed for fall apart, just makes everything so saddening. 

SIGH. *CRYING*

And all this makes me realize, that I do have everything, I am spoiled, I take everything for granted…. If only I were in my dad’s shoes to experience what he went through, man, I would be a totally different person.

:(

Ignorance is bliss.

Found out more shit about my mom and dad and this whole divorce situation. Not pretty at all.

I’m not gonna think the worst of my mom and won’t believe anything until I have full legit proof and I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.

On another note, might go see a therapist with my dad. I only suggested we go together because my dad won’t go on his own, and he needs help. Sigh.

Seriously, life throws you curveballs, but damn this is ONE SHITTY CURVEBALL that I’ve never expected. 

my life right now…

  • These past few months of my life have been something else. From meeting a guy on some social dating whatever app to my parents getting a divorce… JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY. 
  • I think I’m channeling all this feels, emotions, whatever its called by going out, spending money, buying things I don’t even need. SMH. CC bill for this upcoming month is gonna be over $500 again. Sigh.

My visit to the motherland.

This is going to be one long post.

  • DRIVING. 1) Drivers have no regard for others besides themselves, not even pedestrians. 2) They use their horn like no tomorrow. Usually Americans use their horn if someone did a dangerous maneuver or if you’re one of those who just like to pinpoint someone’s wrong doing and honk at them. 3) It’s okay to stop way over the crosswalk and have the front of your car peeking in the middle of the intersection 4) It’s also okay to run a red light (as long as no cars are coming from the other direction). 5) It’s okay to stop and park anywhere as you please (even in there are “No parking” signs) 6) IDK why, but every time a driver a comes to stop, whether it’s at a red light or sitting in traffic, they shift their gear into Neutral all the time. Don’t know what the purpose of that is. 7) Some of the streets or should I call them alleys are so tiny, that only 1 car can pass through at a time as their are cars parked on both sides. 8) Learning to park with your butt in first is a must. 9) KOREAN DRIVERS ARE FUCKING CRAZY AND I WOULD NOT WANT TO DRIVE THERE.  Here’s a link of a video to see some of the shit Korean  drivers do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kajEy8Yt-0o
  • RESTROOMS. I guess Koreans don’t use toilet seat covers in their public restrooms. The only time I did see a bathroom that uses seat covers was at the airport, which happened to be pretty cool, haha. But I really am curious as to why they don’t use seat covers. And thank god I didn’t have to use those squatting, toilet in the floor restrooms, haha. 
  • MONEY. The prices you see on things such as at the markets, menus, etc is the amount you will pay. Say for example, pizza costs $10; you will then only pay $10. The tax is already included the price. And you also don’t tip taxi drivers, waitresses, delivery men, etc. You just pay the amount that you see. I guess thats a good thing?
  • WEATHER. You would think that it would be cold because it looks cloudy/gloomy, but little did I know it was actually warm because of the damn humidity. Humidity is gross. I appreciate this dry, low humidity SoCal weather. The summer time is the worst because on top of rain it’s also humid, which makes it so unbearable and disgusting. 
  • PEOPLE. All them girls are skinny minis with some plastic surgery done. My younger cousin doesn’t look like what she really looks due to her plastic surgery. SMH. It’s such a shame. My other younger cousin had surgery done too, but it’s not as drastic as the other one. She’s still recognizable haha. And also couples here like to match—clothes, shoes…you name it. Kinda seems cheesy and makes me want to barf, haha.
  • TO BE CONTINUED….  (can’t think right now)

Thoughts.

  • KOREA in 2 weeks now. HOLY SHIT. And I was recently notified that I  HAVE TO catch my sister’s bouquet. Oh God. LOL. 
  • I need new clothes. Maybe it’s time expand my wardrobe a lil bit. And also due to my recent weight loss, my jeans are becoming a bit too loose now. 
  • Speaking of this weight loss, I’m pretty sure I did more harm than good. Cutting down on how much I ate pretty much turned into not really eating much at all. I’m trying to get back into slowly eating a bit more so it won’t be too hard on my stomach. I think this whole Korea trip and my mom telling me to lose weight before the trip seriously got to me. Not good at all.
  • On a different note, my personal non-existent love life has taken a turn these past few weeks, haha. Who would’ve ever thought I would meet someone on Tinder of all places. If it wasn’t for my bff’s push for me to download Tinder in the first place, I would’ve never ever met this guy. And if it also wasn’t for my YOLO attitude, I would’ve never met him. I just didn’t want to end up like an episode of Criminal Minds or Law and Order. HAHA. And the funny thing is I downloaded it the first time but deleted it after a few weeks. BUT, I decided to reinstall it and this second round is where I got matched with the guy. Been on only 2 dates so far… but clearly there is a mutual interest and attraction on both sides. Now we shall see where this goes…. 
  • The past two times I’ve seen him, I kinda lied to my dad. HAHA. He always asks who I went out with him and I always just say a friend…and he’s like who?! So I yell back, “You don’t know my friends!” HAHA. I feel like he won’t make a big deal if I say I went on a date, but I know there’s gonna be a million questions (which I won’t know all the answers to). So to avoid all this, I am vague as hell. Maybe when things get more serious and official, I’ll tell him. But as of now, it’s still an open book. HAHA. Oh my life. 
  • Possible Beyonce/Jay-Z concert in Aug?! We’ll see how much tickets cost though…but this would def be the last fun event with the BFF before she becomes a full-time working woman making that dough!